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The Aw Yeah! page is updated once a week and contains material that is far to experimental or unstable for the more normal confines of The Toilet Paper. This week's edition of Aw Yeah! is....

FIRST DIARY ENTRY IN MY NEW COMPUTER

Dear diary,

[Hello, I’m a happy paperclip. It looks like you’re writing a letter. Would you like help?]

Jesus diary, it seems that Microsoft won’t even let me alone to write to you, although I’d very much like to have a moment of privacy. Here’s what I did yesterday…

    1. Went for a walk. [This is getting frustrating. Tried to start that sentence with a lower case letter, but Microsoft wouldn’t let me].
    2. [Trying to be casual here, but this list was just formatted so it would look perfect. Sorry to be so formal.] Took jessica to the movies. [Apparently the Microsoft Gods don’t approve of my girlfriend…there’s a big red line under her name.]
    3. went to bed early because I was really tired. [Ha! Went back and erased that first capital letter, the "w", and rewrote it as a lower case letter. Having trouble making my I’s lowercase, however.]
    4. [fuck Microsoft, diary, I’m done with my list, but they just keep throwing out numbers, like I should keep on going. And I swear I really just want to write lowercase I’s. I I I I I, let me write my I’s small! Damn it diary, damn them all!]

Well, messed around with the preferences and got rid all of the stupid autoformatting, diary. But apparently the word autoformatting doesn’t exist because they keep throwing red lines underneath the word. Ahhhhhh! Those red lines are eating into my brain. I know I spelled, "Ahhhhhh!" wrong, you fucking Microsoft people, I don’t care. And I thought I told you to let me write my I’s in lower case. DAMN IT, DIARY, MAKE THEM LEAVE ME ALONE!

(back again, went and pounded against a wall for a minute or two. Feeling a little bit better.) So anyway, yesterday was really really relaxing. Diary, explain something to me. Why do those BASTARDS insist on telling me when I write the word "really" two times in a row. I’m tense diary. I AM TENSE!….sorry, I’m going to get a piece of paper. We’ll continue this in another setting.

Billy

Thanks for reading.  Thoughts?  mailto:thoughts@thetp.com

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