|The Aw Yeah! page is updated
once a week and contains material that is far too experimental or unstable for the more
normal confines of The Toilet Paper. This week's edition of Aw Yeah! is....
The Power Hour
by Reechard Chang
Were already three shots into the power hour. And needless to say I have little faith that Joseph will accomplish the task without emitting a combination of beer and prior meals into the air. At this moment, he is typing without trouble, thinking clearly, wondering what the beer has in store for him. I see he just burped. The beginning of the carbonation which will inevitably lead to a bout with the porcelain gods. The problem with puking of course is that you only have about 55 seconds to puke before the next shot. And that of course is very problematic. I am myself on my second beer right now. I of course am just drinking for fun. Joe has just had his first bout with spillage. An obvious result of trying to type and drink at the same time. Im guessing this will not be his first spillage of the hour. I think he is about eight minutes into it right now. The second beer is being poured by Emma. James is playing in the background, the music specially chosen for the occasion. Listen to the album Laid by James if you want to enjoy a relaxing Friday afternoon partaking in a power hour. It will soothe your soul. That was a commercial for the sponsors of our show. I have just heard the first, "oh fuck" from our contestant Sir Joe. Spillage again, and he mutters, "oyyy" before that one. He is still typing well at the moment. I doubt the alcohol has had any effect on him yet. Hard burps on that one by Joe. I can see he is starting to feel the effects of taking the shot, not in terms of being drunk, but in how his body is handling it. Emmas words to Joe to take a shot are now becoming slightly humorous. There is the idea of a slight absurdity occurring with each shot now. Joe comments that he is being random in his writing. Another "oh fuck" from Joe. He now states "Im really in trouble" that I consider an understatement for all you TP readers. Joes power hour beer is Coors Light in a bottle. I am drinking Petes Wicked Ale Springfest. Joe comments "oh boy." Another hard burp by the steiny. I would have to say that I am the anti-christ of this experiment. Im taking a lot of pleasure in tormenting Joe about the minutes ahead. Joe is leaning back in the couch and says "holy shit, oh no" Emma faithfully tells Joe that only 45 minutes left. Joe screams and says that Emma should have some wine. I comment that she is too fucking busy pouring beer to do that. Joe now tells Emma to shut up when she points out it is time to take a shot. He has just called her a bitch as she teases him about the beer. I play my homer simpson wav for Joe. A long swallow by Joe on this shot. He looks to be in a lot of trouble right now. We havent even reached the halfway point. Joe grimaces after this shot. He now proclaims that "Im dead. Im in big fucking trouble." This is a whole lot of fun if those of you out there have never seen a non-drinker attempt this. As I eat a pepperocini, he says oh shit. He now states "Im feeling shitty." I stick Blink 182 into the CD player near the halfway point to rejuvenate Joe. He says, "thank you Reechard." As much as I torment, I am attempting to help him finish the hour. He says, "Im going to puke very shortly, I cant handle this, Rich." Joe is afraid that he is doing more than the 7 and a half beers. I have just poured a shot for Joe as Emma takes a bathroom break. The typing is still fine. Joe has just puked. He announces that he is done. I tell him this was an eventuality, and that he needs to just go on. He misses his scheduled shot and he comes back and takes it. Only 20 seconds till his next one. I stick in jimi hendrix, Hey Joe. He seems fine now. He has recovered it seems. He is stating once again that he is only doing 7.5 beers. Joe walks to the bathroom again, he is eyeing the toilet with disdain. He walks around trying to recover. He states, "this is not fun." I am busy switching CDs and I also take a bathroom break. As I re-enter the room Joe moans, "oh god." I cant help but think this is funny. As Joe takes this shot, he says, "noooo!" Emma says now, Joe says oh shit. Joe says oh Jesus. Interesting statement for a boy of Jewish upbringing. Joe quickly walks to the bathroom after this shot, and he takes puke number 2. This is about 18 minutes from the end. The final three songs of this escapade for those of you interested in the music situation, the last three songs are Everclear, Santa Monica, Reel Big Fish, Sell Out, and Blur, Song 2. This will take Joe through the stretch run. Joe says that he is definitely drunk. 15 minutes left. One quarter of the time left. Joe felt good after the second puke, but he now does not feel good. It is the home stretch and needless to say, Joe has realized that this is not a fun thing to go through. At least for those people who have not been drinking frequently in the present. A recommendation for you TP readers, dont try this just for the fun of it unless you are prepared, and you dont mind puking a few times. Joe states that this whole experiment was a great idea. Now Joe is smoking a cigarette. He says Jesus once again. The smoke drives Emma outside onto the balcony. Well I have to say that the smoking is a necessity at this time. Though I dont think the added buzz is really necessary. Joe now states, oh its bad, oh its bad, singing along with Reel Big Fish. Ive decided that the last two minutes or so should be in silence. Joe will have to get to the end in silence and without the aid of music that will pump you up. Joe nukes Everclear, so he only has Blur to carry him through. Joe pukes again during Blur. Ive decided to give him one more song. Loud lucy, Ticking. He states he is not okay after that bout with puking. Well he is drunk now, but still typing, and still existing it seems. The shots are coming a little quick for him now. He cant shoot them in one gulp right now. Taking two, and even three tries to finish it. I am on beer number three for those of you who care. Emma is still drinking wine, and Joe is in serious trouble in this home stretch. The last minute. One shot left. Swallowing is hard right now. Ive given him a last song. Bush, Swallowed. Im sorry but I guess Im a little of a sap. Turns out that he had two left when I said that there was one left. And now, this is the last one. He finishes the last shot in style, taking the whole one in one gulp. He gets up and walks to the bathroom, contemplating another visit with the porcelain gods. Well he has just closed the door so Im guessing that he is taking a piss. Well maybe hell decide to puke also in peace. Well leave that one to mystery and what you TP readers think is happening. Ill say that I think he probably puked, but on his exit, he seems to not have puked. He is done now. Not with the puking necessarily, but with the power hour. He is back at the laptop, typing his last thoughts Im guessing. The rambling words of a drunk man at this point. So this wraps it up for the commentary of the observer of the TP exploits of Joe. This is Reechard Chang, signing off.
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