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A word from the Editor-in-Chief

tire.

Several additional words from the Ed-in-Chief:

The Toilet Paper is more than just another utterly agitating waste of bandwidth.  It's not just a silly satirical magazine with a lot of spelling errors and grammatical mistaiks (sic).  This is not your father's toilet paper, dammit! 

The TP happens to be the only magazine in the wolrd* that is distributed and read in thousands of bathroom stalls.  This is the most ingenious portion of the Toilet Paper and what really makes it all worthwhile.   But incredibly, all of this depends on YOU!

(* "wolrd" is an excellent example of a TP typo.   It's typos like these that give the TP it's special flavor. We've peppered the entire magazine with errors like this for your reading pleasure.  We also like to associate words like "special flavor" and "peppered".  See how wonderfully creative yet subtle we are.  Sigh.)

So anyway, like any magazine worth its salt (salt - peppered - flavor....sigh.), we have a mission statement...
To provide reading material to every restroom in the world! 
We're on a mission from God. You know what you must do brave soldier...the mission is clear.

The printer-friendly TP issue does not always correspond with the current issue, but alas, people in the stalls do not always correspond to those on the web...you can reach the printer friendly version by clicking on the "Print Issues" button on the side of the page.  Think of what a serendipity it will be for your wife or buddy or boss to have something as marvelous as the TP to read next time they rush into the bathroom to defecate.

So please, if you use the bathroom or you know someone who does, print out the TP and tape it up in your local stall. Help us rid the world of banal restrooms. Your co-workers/dorm-mates/warden/life-partner will thank you.

Joe - Editor In Chief


 

Webmasters - Link to the TP with the following button: button2.jpg (4161 bytes)

Features of The Toilet Paper...

The Adventures of Roger-The-Manager & Jenkins-The-Office-IF-Boy: This feature relates the misadventures and stumblings of two cogs, Roger and Jenkins, trapped in a large corporation. Ironically, neither Roger nor Jenkins actually participates in anything even remotely resembling an adventure.

Crank Calls Home: Crank calls from the Ed-in-Chief to his relatives, transcribed for your viewing pleasure. Please note that this feature rarely if ever contains the STG seal of truth.

Faktoid: Please keep in mind that a faktoid differs significantly from a factoid. A faktoid incorporates the word fake, which is often the case. The challenge of a faktoid is discerning the truth from the fiction.

Palindrome Palace: A palindrome is a word or phrase spelled the same both forwards and backwards. For example, "A man, a plan, a canal, panama." Original palindromes are pretty God-damned hard to think up, so don't be terribly surprised or distressed if this feature disappears rather suddenly and without explanation.

: This is the "Swear To God" seal of truth. The seal is used to denote total honesty and may refer to a statement or an entire article. It is used sparingly and its powers are never abused or used for evil.

Buzzed -Tales of An Alcoholic: Writings and musings written only under severe intoxication."Severe" can be roughly defined as "difficulty in writing, thinking, shlarr!" This feature will be unedited and untouched by sober minds.

Another Theory by Ed:
To your left is a picture of Ed Loh. Ed is a former co-worker of the Editor (ie. Ed) In Chief.  There is another Ed we should mention here, Ed Kaftarian.   Edis a highschool/college friend of the Ed In Chief. Both Ed's have had a dramatic and lasting impact on Joe (the Chief Ed), and since it is unclear exactly which Ed is writing the theories, both have been given a measure of credit. Joe appologizes for not having a picture of the two Ed's hugging, but they have never actually met.

Point,Point
: Debate format similar to 'Point, counter-point' except only the TP views are expressed. Twice.

The Epic Battle Between SharngloThe Snim Warrior and Flikgor The Gladiator: They are the most powerful fighters in the galaxy. One is a fearless hero, the other, evil incarnate. The future of the universe rests on the outcome of this conflict. And upon the enormous, capable shoulders of Snarnglo. And as the balance of mankind turns its collective eyes to the heavens above, the battle is detailed by our very own ‘Epic Battle Reporter’, Harold. Next week Harold documents every detail of this struggle.

Letters To The Ed: The Ed has received the following letters in the past several weeks:
a, f, e, c, b, i, p.
Thank you for these contributions.

Vote for us.

Thanks to Brandon, the guy who first made the TP technologically possible. Brandon happens to have his own consulting firm... Brandon would like us all to remember that, "...One can only demonstrate as much faith as they are given." 

And also thanks to Rich, the man behand the graphics and the layout.  Rich is pretty damned incredible...once he believes in something, the bastard is absolutely unstoppable.   Check out his graphic design portfolio at RichardCaseville.   He owns the graphics design firm NorthFork Designs.

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