SMOKERS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

	July 19, 2007

I’ve started smoking again. I’m not quite sure why.

I quit almost two years ago when my friend the Chang-man challenged me:

“This will be the last cigarette for both of us… we’ll see who can go longer. Of course we both know I’m going to win.”

That was all the inspiration I needed... He fell at some co-worker's Christmas party, but I stayed strong for two fucking years. And then a month ago I had a cigarette. Now I’m smoking almost a pack a day. My lungs hurt. So in honor of this stupidity, we now present:

SMOKERS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

I’m not going to get addicted.

A cigarette really hits the spot after a good meal.

That’s a beautiful sunset – can I bum a cigarette?

I just smoke occasionally.

Mmmm…. I love a cigarette after sex… but not as much as I love you, sweetie.

Whenever I get drunk I really need a cigarette.

Dude, give me a cigarette and I’ll buy the next pack.

How can you not smoke when you’re in Europe?

God, cigarettes are expensive! Oh well.

No, Dr. Goldstein, I don’t smoke. Can’t teeth get yellow from other things too?

What? You can’t smoke in here… well I guess I’ll just take my business elsewhere.

Yeah, you’re right, I should quit.

I’m going to quit after this cigarette.

I’m going to quit after this pack.

I’m going to quit tomorrow.

I’m going to quit when I move to my new apartment.

I’m going to quit on New Year’s.

I’m going to quit on my birthday.

I’m going to quit on my 30th birthday.

I’m going to quit when the baby is born.

I’m going to quit so that I can finally run that marathon.

I’m going to quit on my 40th birthday.

I’m going to quit so I can get rid of this damned cough.

I’m going to quit... I had a long talk with my doctor.

I’m going to quit for my 50th birthday, and dammit, I mean it.

I’m going to quit and I'm going to beat this damn lung cancer.

A cigarette really hits the spot after a good meal.