July 19, 2007
SMOKERS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

Iíve started smoking again. Iím not quite sure why.

I quit almost two years ago when my friend the Chang-man challenged me:

ďThis will be the last cigarette for both of usÖ weíll see who can go longer. Of course we both know Iím going to win.Ē

That was all the inspiration I needed... He fell at some co-worker's Christmas party, but I stayed strong for two fucking years. And then a month ago I had a cigarette. Now Iím smoking almost a pack a day. My lungs hurt. So in honor of this stupidity, we now present:

SMOKERS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

Iím not going to get addicted.

A cigarette really hits the spot after a good meal.

Thatís a beautiful sunset Ė can I bum a cigarette?

I just smoke occasionally.

MmmmÖ. I love a cigarette after sexÖ but not as much as I love you, sweetie.

Whenever I get drunk I really need a cigarette.

Dude, give me a cigarette and Iíll buy the next pack.

How can you not smoke when youíre in Europe?

God, cigarettes are expensive! Oh well.

No, Dr. Goldstein, I donít smoke. Canít teeth get yellow from other things too?

What? You canít smoke in hereÖ well I guess Iíll just take my business elsewhere.

Yeah, youíre right, I should quit.

Iím going to quit after this cigarette.

Iím going to quit after this pack.

Iím going to quit tomorrow.

Iím going to quit when I move to my new apartment.

Iím going to quit on New Yearís.

Iím going to quit on my birthday.

Iím going to quit on my 30th birthday.

Iím going to quit when the baby is born.

Iím going to quit so that I can finally run that marathon.

Iím going to quit on my 40th birthday.

Iím going to quit so I can get rid of this damned cough.

Iím going to quit... I had a long talk with my doctor.

Iím going to quit for my 50th birthday, and dammit, I mean it.

Iím going to quit and I'm going to beat this damn lung cancer.

A cigarette really hits the spot after a good meal.


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